Sacrifice
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: Without him my life would be nothing right now, I wouldn't have my soul mate, the other half of me, and that is unthinkable so if it has been a sacrifice it's been one that was definitely worth making.


**Sacrifice?**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:- **None

**Pairing:- **Sandra/Gerry

**Rating:- **K

**Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/**

**Summary:- **Without him my life would be nothing right now, I wouldn't have my soul mate, the other half of me, and that is unthinkable so if it has been a sacrifice it's been one that was definitely worth making.

**Author's Note:- **In answer to Beth's "Childless" challenge to write a fic that looks at the reasons for Sandra's childlessness. Not very long a little angsty but a lot sweet I hope! Enjoy and reviews would be lovely.

The indoor playground is full and I can see Gerry and GJ in the middle of a group as Paula marshals all of GJ's friends and party guests. I know I should go in and I will but sometimes at moments like these I feel like someone somewhere is mocking me with reminders of what I could have had and the life I may have had.

I look around at the children and mothers enjoying the huge soft play area and for a second my heart breaks. This places are a microcosm of family life a family life I'll have. Mother's with babies in their arms chasing toddlers, Mums trying to keep one eye on their older children while talking and having coffee, grandmothers trying to entertain their grandchildren until working parents pick them up and kids hyperactive with excitement at parties just like GJ's.

Long ago I made a choice that none of those things would ever be me. That I'd never be anyone's Mum or anyone's Grandmother, that it wasn't for me and never would be. Career was everything and if that meant that I had to sacrifice other things any things, then it was a price worth paying. When I was younger, when people still bothered to comment I used to dread my friends having babies. I'd arrive with a gift and be thrust into a group of chattering women all telling me that it would be my turn next and I used to smile and nod and laugh inside. I used to laugh because I thought they had no clue who I was or what I wanted, They had no idea how much more important what I was doing was than adding a few more bodies to an already over populated world. I was out to change the world and when I did they'd know why children were unimportant, a distraction, something for other people, people who weren't destined to be the first female commissioner of the MET at the very least.

God I was naïve. Now I know that when I get these moments where I'm faced so blatantly with what I missed I know what I gave up and my heart breaks a little more each time.

He's seen me and smiled waving through the glass door for me to come in as I grip the bag full of presents and plaster on a smile as I push it open.

"Hi gorgeous I was just about to ring you to see where you were GJ's been asking for you." GJ his grandson has thrown himself at me in that way only six year olds can and is talking to quickly about how Granddad had told him I was coming and how I had to come see his cake it was soooooooooo awesome and my head is starting to spin. "Wow GJ slow down and let Sandra get in through the door before you flatter her mate."

"It's ok Gerry I've been looking forward to seeing the birthday boy. How about you take this and put it with the others and when you've done that come back and get me and I'd love to see your cake I'm sure it's great." He's bounced off in the direction of the table piled with presents in the corner and Gerry is smiling at me now with the sort of smile that make me suspicious. "What? Did I do that wrong should I have gone with him right away to see the cake I'm terrible at this."

"No you did it perfectly. You are so fantastic with him. I love you I'm so lucky that I have you in my life and so is he."

"Yeah well you're biased now where's this super-duper cake then?" I've had to step away from him and the torrent of emotion that I'm feeling right now.

"I can't change the choices I made the sacrifices I was prepared to make. Maybe if I'd met him 20 years ago things would have been different. If I'd loved someone back then as much as I love him now then I'd have wanted nothing more than to have their babies and live happily ever after. If he'd been where I saw my future I'd have wanted the whole package. I'd have wanted children, grandchildren, old age in front of the fire with matching slippers. I didn't have him though and my life is what it is but even though no one will ever call me Mummy or Granny I do have him and all that comes with him. His daughters who treat me like they've known me all their lives and the bouncing smiling bundle of excitement now back and dragging me toward the food table and the back of the room who constantly makes me feel like I'm as loved and as important as his grandfather does.

Yes I made choices in my career and my life and yes some people may think I sacrificed too much but if I hadn't I wouldn't be here. What I did, the way I worked ultimately brought me to UCOS and without UCOS I'd never have met him and without him my life would be nothing right now, I wouldn't have my soul mate, the other half of me, and that is unthinkable so if it has been a sacrifice it's been one that was definitely worth making.


End file.
